Inside out and Backwards

The Lollygagger is usually dressed in the morning by her daddy. He makes a great mommy. Oh, he's a man's man alright, but he is also quite comfortable having taken on many of the roles and obligations I seem to be unable to perform. You see, I work and must rise early enough to fight the commute everyday, like most of California.

However, I am much luckier than most moms. My husband is retired from the Army. We own two business, both of which he is primarily responsible for. He has the luxury of setting his own hours which, ensures the Lollygagger can sleep in if she wants, she can attend extracurricular activities at will, and she gets home with enough time to play outside and explore her world. He's a great man and is generous with the Lollygagger to a fault.

So, now that I've given the background on how much he does for her and with her, let me now fill you in on the level of proficiency he has in the area of dressing her and doing her hair.

The hair is usually brushed and tied in a pony tail with half of it falling out before she leaves the room. That's alright, it got brushed and I 'm good with that. If I get hold of her hair and braid it, it's even better. Why? Because he will leave the braid in her hair the next day too without ever having to brush it. He figures that's good enough. By the end of the day, she looks like a disheveled mess.

Do I complain? NO WAY. I know a good thing when I see it. I keep my mouth shut.

Then there's the clothing thing.

The other day he dressed her in a cute silky blouse that has a shell sewn in. I went to braid her long plat of hair and noticed the blouse didn't look right. On closer examination I realized it was unbuttoned, inside out, and backwards. Not to mention she had only one arm through the arm hole of the shell which was somehow on the inside of the inside out blouse.

Ya got all that?

Not wanting to hurt his feelings and point out this obvious inadequacy in his role as mommy, I kept my mouth shut and fixed the problem.

Last night, however, I had to say something. It was too funny not to. Not about the inside out and backward blouse, but about the tiny Cinderella undies he dressed her in that morning. I can't imagine how he could have thought they were on right, or why she didn't complain about it straight away, but this time he crossed a line I just couldn't shut up about.

Have you ever put on a pair of panties with the leg opening on your waist? No? Well, apparently some people do and can live with it just fine. Not me. If I had a constricting leg hole strangling my lower abdomen all day long, and riding up only one half of my butt, I think I'd go mad.

The Lollygagger lived with this the entire day and came home picking her seat for a full hour before complaining about it.

I couldn't stop laughing. I'm sorry to say, but it's true. I laughed my ass off at the plight of my baby with her too tight panties at the waist and the left side riding up the crack. I had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard.

Really, I would have probably kept my mouth shut, but he came in to see what all the belly laughing was about. When I showed him, he was horrified... for about a second. He was soon laughing too and apologetic for having failed so miserably in such a critical aspect of his mothering. He told the Lollygagger he would be happy to do something to make up for her suffering. In his mind, he was thinking she may want to blow bubbles outside, or run to the lake to feed the ducks.

Without a word the Lollygagger went upstairs and returned with another pair of undies, handed them to him and said through a smile "here, you try it for a while."

She's too diabolical for her own good.